Rape and Trickery

 66. RAPE AND TRICKERY 

Hello and welcome back to Raped 25 Years. At this time I invite you to join me on a short walk through my journey of healing, from sexual abuse and sexual assault. Don’t forget to stay to the end so you can enjoy my gem of positivity.

Since I started writing this blog, it has made me stop to think about if there are any common methods used across the range of my perpetrators. And there is one that stands out for me. That method is the use of trickery.

As a small child, the pedofile I refer to as Mr Mark abused me with great trickery. He told me that using his penis was just showing me how much he loved me. It also meant that I was a big girl. My mummy would get a pleasant surprise at my being such a big grown up girl.

And yet I was not to tell my mother. Because if I did she would go away and never come back. Mr Mark also tricked me into believing that all daddies loved their little girls with their penis (which he called his “lollipop”). If my daddy didn’t, it meant that he didn’t love me.

Because of these trickery lies I developed into a person with an extreme sense of insecurity with both my parents. I was excessively attached to my mum, and exceptionally scared of my own dad. Neither were a basis for healthy relationships. 

Then, as an adult, I was again tricked by the lies of perpetrators in my work environment. One man told me it was the price I had to pay for him to “protect” me from the other perpetrators in the workplace. This lasted only until he got bored.

My cousin worked in the same company as the other perpetrators. He pretended he would lose his job if I didn’t put up with the sexual and physical abuse. This lie was then replaced by one final trick. If I said anything to anyone, they would track down all of my family and murder them. I was so traumatised by that stage, I believed this trickery.

It was during this time that I became innocently ensnared by the trickery of the man I refer to as Alex. This began when I was tricked by my boss into letting Alex live in my house as a favour of a friend. After that, I was doomed. He tricked his way into my bed and painfully, and repeatedly, raped me. He tricked me day in and day out that everything Alex was doing to me, was only out of his love for me.

I am learning in therapy that these are common tricks used by evil perpetrators of these vile crimes. And yes, they are crimes. In reality, my family was never in any danger, and neither  I nor my cousin would have lost our jobs. Most of all, Alex didn’t in fact love me. They were all just heinous tricks. However, as I come to see each trick for what it truly was, I’m finding that I can heal.

What about you? Do these tricks sound familiar in your life and situation? As hard as it is, it’s vital that you see these lies for the tricks they are. And it is hard. It’s painful too. But once you recognise this trickery for the lies it is, you will find yourself on the journey of healing too. And that’s no trick.

The gem of positivity this time is a very small affirmation which speaks volumes:

I am not my past.

As I travel along my journey of healing, this is something that I remind myself of every day. Just because I was tricked in the past, I don’t have to remain in that web of tricky lies. So, although I have been tricked in the past, my future lies in seeing those tricks for what they are. That’s the way I can have a future — and you can too.

Thank you for joining me on this short walk. Don’t forget to leave a comment on how you are seeing the tricks for what they are. And until next time, just breathe and believe.

With love and care, Ruby.