Rape and Therapy

 56. RAPE AND THERAPY 

Hello and welcome back to my blog, Raped 25 Years. At this time I invite you to take a short walk with me through my journey of healing from sexual trauma. Don’t forget to stay to the end so you can enjoy my gem of positivity.

There are a variety of reasons why a person may seek therapy. In fact there are at least nine key reasons for enlisting the help of a therapist*. However the key reason I’m focusing on is sexual trauma.

Although I have a history of childhood abuse, it wasn’t until after my time at work and with the man I refer to as Alex, that I started therapy at 21 years of age. Even so, finding the right therapist for me, hasn’t been easy. Why, you might very well ask? Because therapy (and therapists) are not just a one size fits all. Let me give you some examples from my time working with different therapists.

My first therapist was a lovely young woman. She was a sexual assault counsellor. Her method of counseling me was to tell me to “just not think about the rapes, and you will find they just go away naturally”. For some sexual assault survivors, who have resilient characteristics, this type of therapy does actually work. For me, it simply wasn’t the way forward.

Another therapist, an older woman, told me that masturbating was the key to my recovery. I didn’t (and still don’t) understand how masturbation was going to help me to recover from childhood sexual abuse and rapes(as an adult). So again, it may be suitable for some survivors, I just wasn’t one of them.

It went on like this for more than twenty years. Some I didn’t gel with, others used my therapy sessions for me to help them with their own problems and issues. At one stage, I had four consecutive ill fitting therapists in the space of two and a half years. It just seemed to go on so long that I despaired of ever finding the right help.

Then I met Dr H. He didn’t try to fit me into a preconceived idea of what is best for me by his own judgement alone. He listened to me, and really heard my needs and what I desired in my therapeutic outcomes. From those initial sessions, together we worked out a plan of action. I had finally found the right therapist for me.

However, it still isn’t plain sailing. There are times when I find that an issue is still too hard to face and deal with. Those are the days when I push Dr H away, trying to hide from an issue that must be dealt with so that I can heal into a whole person. Not the same as I would have been, but healed just the same.

And what about you? Have you found your own version of my Dr H? Someone who listens to you and your individual therapy needs. If not, don’t be down hearted and discouraged. There is a therapy, and therapist, out there for you. You don’t need to suffer from the wrong kind of “help”. It might be just what another person needs. That doesn’t make you bad, or too difficult to please. You will have your needs met if you persevere to find the therapist for you. And you know what? When you do, you will find that, just like me, you will be healing.

This time I have chosen as my gem a well known Japanese proverb:

Nana korobi ya oki

The translation is: “fall seven times, stand up eight”. And that’s how it is in therapy. I am keeping moving forward, and I am finding the right therapy (or rather, mix of therapies), that support my moving forward, despite all those other “failed” attempts. I have persevered because I’m making the choice to heal. And I encourage you to make the choice to heal, too.

Thank you for joining me on this short walk through my journey of healing. Don’t forget to leave a comment on what therapy is helping you to heal. And until next time, just breathe and believe.

With love and care, Ruby

*

1. Navigating anxiety and depression 
2. Managing trauma 
3. Improving relationships 
4. Coping with big life changes
5. Seeking personal growth 
6. Improving emotional regulation 
7. Managing unhealthy coping mechanisms
8. Managing the physical symptoms of stress 
9. Dealing with persistent and intrusive negative thoughts