Keeping On

 11. KEEPING ON

Hello and welcome. At this time, I invite you to take a short walk with me, as I share my journey of healing as a sexual assault survivor. Don’t forget to stay to the end, to enjoy my gem of positivity.

No journey is smooth. I’m finding that out only too well. I have been sinking into the gloom of my sexual assaults. In fact, I have been taking the role as a victim, and not a survivor. I had even sunk so low as to not continue to share my journey of healing. In fact, I was allowing my abusers to beat me and win.

Some parts of the year are better than others. Sometimes, like lately, I have been sunk in the misery of my assaults. The memories have been too sharp and real. Like the dark man dreams. I’ve been waking up from these nightmares coughing and struggling to breathe. It is not conducive of good restful sleep.

This sleep deprivation is a great way for doubts and PMS (Poor Me Syndrome), to take a foothold. It increases the effects of depression and anxiety in my life. In short, I have been forgetting about how far I’ve come, and the people who are walking alongside me as I fight to not just heal, but claim my life back.

I have forgotten about the key of keeping on. To continue to move forward, even if it’s just millimetre at a time (or the smallest part of an inch). It’s still a move forward. Away from my past. Away from the horrors of the memories, the flashbacks, the physical sensations.

Keeping on is important in and of itself. You see, if I stop, the abusers win. And that, I am stubborn enough to not let happen. If they win, I lose the essence that is my life. I lose the chance to chase my dreams. In short, I lose.

Even when you think it’s impossible, keep on. Even if the people supporting seem like they don’t care anymore, keep on. Even when the nightmares, flashbacks and physical sensations overtake you, keep on. Be a survivor, not the victim. So long as I (and you) keep on, those abusers lose. For me, I’m holding that close to my heart, as I keep on.

The gem of this post comes from Winston Churchill, a quote taken from the Second World War:

If you’re going through hell, keep going.

The road in front of you may seem too long and winding. It may seem to be full of so many traps and potholes. In fact, it may at times seem like hell. But if you keep going, you will eventually walk into the sun. Hell will pass away, but you will find that you haven’t. So if you’re struggling, simply keep on keeping on. I had forgotten that. But now I’m back, actually stronger.

Thank you for keeping on with me. Don’t forget to leave a comment to share how you are keeping on. And until next time, just breathe and believe.