Rape and Fathers

 61. RAPE AND FATHERS

Hello and welcome back to Raped 25 Years. At this time, I invite you to join me on a short walk in my journey of healing from sexual trauma. Don’t forget to stay to the end so that you can enjoy my gem of positivity.

Fathers, or Dads, can play important roles in the lives of their children. But what if you didn’t know that male acquaintance was actually your father? This is what happened to me.

I was raised by a man who is married to my Mum. He happens to be my biological father as well. And yet I did not recognise, or even realise, that he was legitimately related to me.

The family friend who raped me repeatedly from three years of age, always got me to call him “Daddy”. And this same man, introduced me to another man, I called “Dad”. I incorrectly believed this man to be my biological father. However, “Dad” was another paediafile. Even when we moved to a new area, he found me, and continued to penetrate me, claiming it was love.

This false “Dad” was also the first person to get me pregnant, when I was thirteen years old. It wasn’t until I was in therapy with Dr H, that I realised I had been pregnant, and that I’d had a backyard abortion to “fix” the “problem”

When I was sixteen years old I discovered the truth about who this “Dad”perpetrator really was. He was not related to me. I was dumbfounded and distressed.

This realisation has not made things any easier as I have continued to grow. I still pine for the paediafile who groomed me. Even after all these years, and knowing he was a fraud, my mind still tricks me into believing that he was and is my Dad.

My real father and I, at this late time in both our lives, are now trying to forge a more positive relationship with each other. There is much for us to work through. I still feel so much undeserved anger towards him. He is still bewildered by me, my thoughts and feelings.

What about you? Do you have a relationship of conflict and stress with your biological father? It isn’t easy to forge a new relationship with your father at any age. However it can be done. That’s when you know that you, like me, are on the road to healing.

This time the gem of positivity is a quote from an unknown source:

“Real fatherhood means love and commitment and sacrifice and a willingness to share responsibility and not walking away from one’s children”.

This is now what I am learning. My real father, despite everything, hasn’t walked away. Even though I was unable to recognise him as my Dad, he willingly made the commitment to share in the raising of me. And it is this realisation that tells me I’m healing.

Thank you for joining me on this short walk in my journey of healing. Don’t forget to leave a comment on your definition of fatherhood. And until next time, just breathe and believe.

With love and care, Ruby